When I first started working with couples almost 7 years ago now, I didn’t introduce toys at all. There was a common story that it emasculated men and women were nervous to show how good it felt comparatively. This is old paradigm thinking.
I can see now how I used to give into that misconception with couples by not expanding the conversation. Confronting those beliefs head on and sharing the expansion available through toys like I do now. Intimacy has many faces within a relationship, from vulnerability and removing our masks to physical pleasure and each of these must be honoured to have a fully vibrant and energized sex life. AND also sex as play is a valuable space for couples having tension in other intimacy categories. To shift out of sexual history and story, to drop into the adult playground that is our physical body.
Switching gears from -sex to show love- or - to prove value and status - to play and curious has been a game changer for many of my couples. Toys give access to pleasure and play that body parts don’t. Now don’t get me wrong as a Tantric practitioner I hold energy, presence and ritual in high regard.
Playing with sex toys together from a mindset of curiosity and experimentation is fundamental to successfully introducing my products. Letting go of comparison and inviting in erotic innocence. A beginners mind to pleasure. Dropping the goals of orgasm, and focusing on sensation and play. Is vibration pleasure? A thumping session? Maybe it’s multiple areas stimulated?
Starting all new activities should begin with agreements and guidelines. Talk ahead about what might be a hard no. What holds curiosity with a mix of shame or fear? What lights you up just thinking about it? Who is leading the play? Who is receiving sensation? How can it be made bigger? Whet negotiations might be needed. Get clear with each other on the path of discovery that excites you both the most.
Pleasure in the female body is a slow build, starting with toys, doesn’t mean starting with toys. The vulva can take up to 30 minutes to fully engorge… so don’t just start with any toys at full level from a cold body. Take your time. Build the fire with touch, presence and connection first. Be fully embodied, and physically ready before introducing toys. This will go a long way in helping both partners enjoy their experimentation and play.
I would love to hear about your purchases and how you introduced them, and how you drop into play with each other.
Much love and pleasure,
Dee, the yoni witch
My name is Daniella and I go by the Yoni Witch: Your Tantra Therapist & Self Love. I help women and couples who are ready to experience unleash their inner power, heal trauma, and awaken orgasmic pleaure. Explore our curated Yoni Magic sex toy collection - designed for women & couples ready to experiement, deepen their connection and embrace joyful self love! You deserve it. Check out our carefully curated Toys or Book a Discovery Call with me!